Monday morning blues and Tuesday is much better

Monday was a hard day, at least in the morning.  I awoke very anxious and after my knee exercises, after I recalculated things about my retirement figures and they appeared much less than I thought they would be, I took half a valium to calm myself some.  It did help and I did do quite a bit of stuff around the house.  The musty smell is definitely better and I think tolerable.  I did my blogging and then went for a walk at Tech outside Goodwin.  It looked like rain so I stayed near the building and then I headed to Walmart for some meds and supplies and then headed back.  I put out the three large boxes of baking soda and I hope they have a good effect.  Keeping the 3 fans on and the air cleaner seem to help, but I wonder what my electric bill will be this month.  I still haven’t been able to nap during the day but closing my eyes for a few minutes does seem to help.  Just as I am about to drop off, something (usually concerning my past mistakes, my financial situation, my age) pops into my head and snaps me alert.  I decided to drive out to Caldwell Fields despite the rain and it was lovely out there with the clouds just touching the top of Brush Mountain.  I then drove to Tech for my bike ride and that felt good.  Then it was home for a late dinner and bed at 12:15.

Tuesday started okay, just a little anxious, and after my knee exercises, I redid my financial calculations (and yesterday’s figures were way off) and they were much more in keeping with my earlier calculations.  I will be able to retire reasonably enough in June 20, but of course working until December 20 or even June 21 (when I will still be 69) will allow me even more flexibility.  The main concerns will be medical expenses and whether I have to move to another more expensive apartment in December.  I headed over to Rob’s office at 11:15 and had a nice chat with him about the valium (he said 2 a day would be okay but the most I have used is 1 a day (taken in two halves) and he said to take as little as I really need.   We also talked about the possibility of Prozac if my anxiety continues after the second week of teaching, when I really get busy.  He wasn’t too worried about the protein in the urine (it has gone up from 3 to 4) but he wants me back for bloodwork in two weeks.  I know he is very busy right now but I hope we can get to walk again at some point.   I then looked at the weather report and it looked okay for now so I drove out to Auburn and it was as empty as I’ve ever seen it.  I played the back nine (five of the holes from the red tees) and shot a 43 and I hit a couple of my drives near 150 yards, gravity giving me a little more distance.  I putted very well, making at least 4 good longer putts.  I drove home after playing, stopping for supplies at Food Lion and finding that the 5 dollar chickens were already out so I picked one of them up and had a nice snack out in the parking lot.  I drove home and finished up my financial calculations and my morning figures were solid so I could rest easier and I think I may have fallen asleep for a real nap.  I got up and did my piano playing (all new songs and unlike a couple of days ago, I played okay and sang all three of the jazz songs and did my scales.  I then did my blog and it is almost 7:30 (with no valium today) and I still want to do my weights and stretching and then go for a bike ride, probably leaving here around 8:00 because of the rain.