Worst Morning I can Remember

Thursday was possibly the worst morning of my life.  I awoke at 3:30 and was very anxious so I took half a valium at around 5, hoping to sleep but I was unable to.  So many things clouded my mind: my age, my financial concerns, a deep sense of loneliness, the end of my travels, the problem with the musty smelling apartment, how poorly I treated Tracy, how distant from God I remain—what a list!  I think it was a genuine panic attack and I had to take a second half of a valium and still no relief.  I prayed as hard as I ever have to find faith and peace but nothing happened.  I wrote to Glenda about the thing she wrote (about submitting to the will of God and about her trip to Richmond) and she responded very positively but even that kindness didn’t do much.  I finally got ready to go meet the TIAA advisor at Radford and driving in I felt a little better because I would be out of the apartment and perhaps my financial fears would be lessened.  Tim, the advisor, was decent enough and he said I was in okay shape and that I should have enough to retire by December 2020.  He didn’t think I should put any of my money in at risk investments, simply because it was too late in my career.  He did advise that once I retire I should try to put away 10%  of my money each month so I would be able to continue my retirement for a few more years, past 83.  I almost called Rob to ask him to put me on the Prosac but I didn’t want to bother him (I think that he feels less and less comfortable spending time with me and I don’t blame him.  I am not much fun to be with.)  After doing a number of things in my office I tried to nap but that was unsuccessful so I drove home and tried to nap there, again unsuccessfully.  Then I went for an hour’s bike ride at Tech and I came home and watched TV.  The Odoban stuff I picked up at Walmart and sprayed before I headed off to Tech was a little effective but not too much.

Monday morning blues and Tuesday is much better

Monday was a hard day, at least in the morning.  I awoke very anxious and after my knee exercises, after I recalculated things about my retirement figures and they appeared much less than I thought they would be, I took half a valium to calm myself some.  It did help and I did do quite a bit of stuff around the house.  The musty smell is definitely better and I think tolerable.  I did my blogging and then went for a walk at Tech outside Goodwin.  It looked like rain so I stayed near the building and then I headed to Walmart for some meds and supplies and then headed back.  I put out the three large boxes of baking soda and I hope they have a good effect.  Keeping the 3 fans on and the air cleaner seem to help, but I wonder what my electric bill will be this month.  I still haven’t been able to nap during the day but closing my eyes for a few minutes does seem to help.  Just as I am about to drop off, something (usually concerning my past mistakes, my financial situation, my age) pops into my head and snaps me alert.  I decided to drive out to Caldwell Fields despite the rain and it was lovely out there with the clouds just touching the top of Brush Mountain.  I then drove to Tech for my bike ride and that felt good.  Then it was home for a late dinner and bed at 12:15.

Tuesday started okay, just a little anxious, and after my knee exercises, I redid my financial calculations (and yesterday’s figures were way off) and they were much more in keeping with my earlier calculations.  I will be able to retire reasonably enough in June 20, but of course working until December 20 or even June 21 (when I will still be 69) will allow me even more flexibility.  The main concerns will be medical expenses and whether I have to move to another more expensive apartment in December.  I headed over to Rob’s office at 11:15 and had a nice chat with him about the valium (he said 2 a day would be okay but the most I have used is 1 a day (taken in two halves) and he said to take as little as I really need.   We also talked about the possibility of Prozac if my anxiety continues after the second week of teaching, when I really get busy.  He wasn’t too worried about the protein in the urine (it has gone up from 3 to 4) but he wants me back for bloodwork in two weeks.  I know he is very busy right now but I hope we can get to walk again at some point.   I then looked at the weather report and it looked okay for now so I drove out to Auburn and it was as empty as I’ve ever seen it.  I played the back nine (five of the holes from the red tees) and shot a 43 and I hit a couple of my drives near 150 yards, gravity giving me a little more distance.  I putted very well, making at least 4 good longer putts.  I drove home after playing, stopping for supplies at Food Lion and finding that the 5 dollar chickens were already out so I picked one of them up and had a nice snack out in the parking lot.  I drove home and finished up my financial calculations and my morning figures were solid so I could rest easier and I think I may have fallen asleep for a real nap.  I got up and did my piano playing (all new songs and unlike a couple of days ago, I played okay and sang all three of the jazz songs and did my scales.  I then did my blog and it is almost 7:30 (with no valium today) and I still want to do my weights and stretching and then go for a bike ride, probably leaving here around 8:00 because of the rain. 

A Decent Sunday

Sunday was a day I was looking forward for a couple of reasons.  First, it was the return of the church choir from summer vacation and I was going to have dinner over at Jeff and Lisa’s.  I got up pretty early and did my knee exercises and some weights and stretching and then headed over to St. Mary’s.  I had been a little nervous about how many people would show up, but it turned out to be 17, with 6 musicians and 9 singers.  I knew it wouldn’t be a big problem and practice proved that right.  We sounded pretty good and Mass was even better.  I made a few unnoticeable mistakes and the singing was rather inspirational (the congregation even clapped at the end).  Rob wasn’t available for a walk so I went home and tried to nap, to no avail and then I decided, after my blog entry, to go to Radford for a walk and to work on my storage problem for my cot.  I did a nice walk inside, perhaps 25 minutes, and then tried different setups as to where to store the cot (I certainly can’t store it fully extended as it would take up too much space) but I couldn’t figure anything out so since it was time to head to Jeff and Lisa’s I had to head off.  It was a fun dinner prepared by Jenny and then we played Cards Against Humanity, which I had never heard of, but it was full of sexual jokes and the sexual answers seemed to almost always win.  It was fun but I wouldn’t want to play it too often. Lisa and I joked together quite a bit and discussed our private concerns some and then Jennie left and the three of us chatted until a little after 8.  I offered to take the three of them out to dinner at some point and they thought that was a good idea.  After leaving I went to my office and quickly figured out a decent way to store the cot, folding it up somewhat into a flat square and placing a sheet over it.  It certainly doesn’t look too bad in the far corner of my office with some drums near it.   Then it was time to drive over to Tech and do my bike ride, and I did ride for 40 minutes though I was very tired.  I stopped at Food Lion for some tomatoes and spinach and ate some fruit and peanut butter for a late meal.  No valium today so that was good.    

Saturday's downs and ups

Saturday was an interesting day in that I was pretty anxious when I woke up, but later in the day I felt more better, more alive and more comfortable.  It has been at least 3 days without a valium and that feels very good.  I got up and did my knee exercises, played some piano, did some more work with the laundry, and worked on my blog, which lately has become more and more interesting as my battle with depression continues.  I went for drive out to Big Stony and rode my bike out by Glen Alton, finding a number of wildflowers in bloom, including white wood aster, Queen Anne’s lace, Chicory, Joe Pye Weed, yarrow, orange touch me not, smartweed, ox eye daisy, thin leaved coneflower, new York ironweed, and several others but the most interesting was finding Cardinal flower.  I drove back to Blacksburg and decided to treat myself to a movie, The Meg, with Jason Stratham, who I like very much.  It was exactly as expected, not that suspenseful but enough action scenes to keep you entertained.  I didn’t buy popcorn so it cost me only $8.50.  I then headed over to Tech to ride my bike and oddly enough I felt pretty good, not exactly full of joy, but rather happy and I enjoyed the sights around me and just the feeling of being alive.  I came home exhausted so I just sat and watched TV even though I should have done my weights and stretching.   

A difficult Friday

Friday was a difficult day.  I had a very nice walk with Rob the night before, and I was calm and supportive.  He gave me a couple of delicious tomatoes.  He did expressive a lot of concern about the mustiness in the apartment and the 70% humidity saying it was very unhealthy.  When I got home I was pretty freaked and I wrote Heather a very powerful email relating what Rob had said and mentioning my lupus and asthma, along with my stay in the hospital for pneumonia.  I was very upset in the letter and in the morning I got a response telling me that they were going to buy me a humidifier and that maintenance would put it in today.  She said that I could get out of my lease if I wished but I told her that this would be a terrible time to have to look for a place and then move right in the middle of my semester.  I spent the morning doing my knee exercises, singing some, and feeling that I was in an unhealthy place.  I wanted to leave and I contacted Claire but when the maintenance guy didn’t come by one I had to reschedule with Claire for next week.  Finally, around 2, the maintenance fellow appeared and brought me a used humidifier and set it up.  It didn’t seem to be working at first (I vaguely remembered that humidifiers take a while to start working) and then water began to drip out of the hose and the humidity started to drop a couple of percentage points.  That was encouraging and with 3 fans going and the air cleaner (with a fan) the mustiness was greatly diminished.  Around 4 I decided to go take a drive but I was very indecisive as where to go, first thinking Tech but I could see that it would be very crowded and I would be finished with my walk or biking right around 5 and that meant driving with very heavy traffic.  Instead, I headed out toward Big Stony and decided to ride out by Glen Alton and that was okay although my down mood kept it from being a more rewarding moment.  I pedaled hard up to Glen Alton, hoping to make the ride as aerobic as possible, and then stopped on the way back to take some pictures of a lovely patch of cardinal flower (which I sent to Kate and Rob later).  I finished my ride and then stopped at the whistle stop rest area to try to take a nap but that didn’t work so I drove back and decided to go fishing out on Sinking Creek.  Cathy was there so I pulled my chair over and started chatting with her and it really hit me what a tough life she has had, much, much tougher that anything I have endured, then David returned from work and we chatted some more and he told my of his work which seemed pretty hard, fixing up a couple of houses.  Then I went fishing and finally caught one nice redeye and left feeling bad about the two of them, and wishing I could help them out a bit, but I have to be very careful with my money right now.  Perhaps after I talk to the financial advisor I will feel a little more optimistic, but I have a feeling that I really have to work for at least 3 more years and perhaps even longer.  Three and a half years would put me at 70 and Lou will be working at least till 72, Paul worked till 70, Rob wants to work to at least 70, so it shouldn’t be unrealistic unless I get very sick again.  I drove to Tech and took a short ride around campus and then came back to the Perry Street garage and did 4 ramps before calling it quits.  Now I had to return home, but I stopped at Kroger for some musty odor reducing detergent and some fruit.  Arriving home I was very happy that the humidity was below 50 (actually 48) and I made some dinner and watched TV while doing a few sets of weights and stretching.  I wonder why my mood is so troubled.  If it is prednisone, I should be off it in 3 months and I hope that as I go on a lower dose my mood will improve.  If it isn’t because of the prednisone, I may have to go on an anxiety drug.  Time is really standing still.  If I have a few hours with nothing to do it bothers me, making me feel anxious and restless.  Hopefully once I start teaching on the 27^th, I will feel better.  I talked to Dave in the early afternoon and it seemed not to be a very good conversation.  He is still not sure what to do about his marriage and he wants to just continue keeping it the way it is.  That is his choice and I told him that.  I believe he will continue this way as long as he can.    

A very bad day and a better one

Tuesday was an awful morning, with the smell in my apartment causing me to be very upset and anxious.  I tried to figure out exactly where it was coming from but I had no success.  Elizabeth came over and she didn’t find it too bad, just that it seemed hot.  I took half a valium and that did help but I was still anxious and I called my sister Judy and she thought it might be my clothes (which did seem to have a smell) and she suggested washing them again and using a dryer instead of the racks I use.  Because of the high humidity in the apartment and possibly because I have kept the windows closed because of the screens not working well, it takes a pretty long time for some of the clothes to dry, especially the cotton things.  I did that with two loads, and I took everything out of the bedroom, including the sheet, the mattress cover (which is thick cotton) and it still smelled.  I went over to Tech for a walk in the cooler library but it was move in day so it was very crowded and I couldn’t find a handicapped spot by the library so I drove over to the Perry Street garage and rode my bike there for 40 minutes.  I went back home and the smell was driving me crazy so I opened the windows and put the fans on but that didn’t work so I called Claire Hall and thankfully she was able to come over and she sniffed around and she found things okay except perhaps for a slightly chemical smell in the bedroom.  She advised using Febreze so I decided to get some later and try it.  I debated going to play golf but I settled on going to Mass (it was a holy day of obligation) and I think that was a good choice.  I got my music stuff for Sunday, saw a few people I knew and said hello to Deacon Rick, Father John, Beth, and Tom.  I then went over to Tech for a 35 minute walk then to Kroger’s to get the Febreze and a couple of other items, then headed home for a late dinner and some TV.

Thursday was an easier morning.  I was a bit anxious but not as bad as yesterday so I did my knee exercises, drove over to the laundromat to do my bed cover because it was too big for the machines here, then drove back to shower and head over to Dr. Wilts, the podiatrist.  He was affable and he thought I may have Morton neuroma, and he fitted me with some inserts with pads in them and hopefully they will help.  I drove home hoping to take a nap before I head out to play golf but I couldn’t fall asleep, so I prayed a bit and calmed myself by going over the good things in my life: a decent job, an apartment that I hope I can stay in (Heather emailed me that they are looking into putting in a massive dehumidifier and that the screen situation is being addressed), a closeness to fishing and mountains, stable health right now, singing in the choir starting up, my friends and family, a lot of good things.  I then sang some of the stuff for Sunday and then caught up on my blog.

Things are Looking better

Monday was a much better day (no valium) and I got a bunch of good news for a change.  It turns out that the rent surcharge letter was a mistake since I am paying market rate.  I went over to Rob’s to talk to John and it seems that I had the neck MRI here at Lewis Gale the week before I went to UVa.  I honestly don’t remember getting it but John had the papers.  It is unfortunate that the papers were not faxed to UVa (which John said should have been but I also should have remembered that I had had an MRI the week before so I have responsibility also). That was very disappointing but I called Anthem to see how much I would be charged and the woman I spoke with said at present Anthem had covered everything and there were no pending bills from Anthem.  The figures she gave me for the MRI charges were in the mid hundreds so I am hoping that if UVa bills me it will only be for 500 dollars or so.  I went over Tech to dry out my kayak and rode my bike around the parking lot while it dried.  Then I went to St. Mary’s to give 20 dollars for Father John’s trip and ended up talking with the seminarian Tom Lawrence and Lorianne and it was and interesting conversation about faithback home for a nap but couldn’t so I did some singing and eventually decided to forgo golf and go to the Mercy Mass at 7.  It was nice to see the people I knew and there were some new ones also, not a big crowd but the singing was very good.  I talked to Glenda a little and she gave me a thing she wrote about her trip to Richmond and it was very powerful, putting your trust in God, and I do hope that I can do more of that in the future.  It is obvious to me that I have very little control over what is going to happen to me (financially and medically) so if I can ease my worries about these things by trusting in Jesus, that should be a positive thing.  In my talk with Lorianne and Tom, I saw real comfort for them in their trusting in Jesus and I want to allow that to happen to me.  Tom gave me a book to borrow, Christian Prayer, and I am going to set up a meeting with him next week before the semester starts.  After the Mercy mass, I went home and did some weights and stretching and the watched some TV before going to bed at 12:15 and reading a few pages of Midnight’s Children. 

An awful Sunday

Sunday was a pretty terrible day, full of anxiety about a number of things: my general financial picture (at present I will have to work until June of 21), Anthem sent me a letter saying that they wouldn’t approve the two and a half hours of MRI done at the UVA hospital, Taylor Hollow sent me a letter saying that if my income exceeds the maximum allowed by Virginia Housing Development Aurthority then I might have to pay a surcharge, someone was parked in my handicapped space when I returned from UVA, and I broke a bottle of balsamic vinegar on the concrete and was unable to remove the stain, along with the fact that I am approaching 67 and really feeling it.   It was not a good day and around 4 I took half a valium to calm me down a bit.  I did try to clean the stain with the two things that were recommended online, oven cleaner and an ammonia/water mixture, but despite intense scrubbing, I was unable to remove any of the stain.  I did write to Heather to tell her what happened and I assume she will respond to my earlier email about the surcharge and the latter one about the stain at some point tomorrow.  I did talk with Rob for some this afternoon and he thought that the prednisone might be contributing to my anxiety and that I should try to get off the prednisone, lowering to 6 mg tomorrow and then lowering it 1 mg every two weeks.  If that doesn’t work, then he may put me on Prozac because I can’t stand how I am feeling right now (although I did my knee exercises this morning, went over to Tech in the afternoon and rode my bike for 40 minutes, then went back over at around 7:30 and walked for 30 minutes outside until my feet began to hurt.   I couldn’t focus well at Mass and my singing was not very good.  I talked to Glenda some and she was kind.  I told her she was a wonderful and sacred woman and that I wished I could be like her.  Rob told me that I shouldn’t travel, since it put such a stress on me, and I think he is right.  The trip up to UVA was pretty stressful, with an accident on 81 and another on the Blue Ridge Parkway (which closed the Parkway).  I did ride my bike up on the parkway and I did walk to Crabtree Falls near Montebello.  Riding along the Tye river was fun but it saddened me that the Montebello store had closed and one of the restaurants on 56 on the way to the parkway was for sale.   Staying at the Omni was fine (although I couldn’t get the Keurig to work for a cup of coffee in the morning) and I had a decent dinner at Hamilton’s in the mall.  Rooms were pretty expensive (111 in Innsbrook, then 131 in Williamsburg, plus a dinner at Carrabas) and overall I spent over 500 dollars on the trip, certainly money I could ill afford.  I was also disappointed that Royal New Kent golf club had closed so I played 9 holes plus at Viniterra.  I am trying to look at the positive stuff, that the kayak trip with Kate went very well and I am sure she had a good time, that I have almost 480K in my two retirement accounts, plus 25K a year in social security, and that I will be back working in a few weeks, and that should help lower my anxiety.  I have set up an appointment with a TIAA advisor on the 22^nd and I hope that having a real professional will help calm me down a little.  I may have to trade in my truck and get a used vehicle that gets better mileage.  I still owe 8K on my Tacoma and though I like its size and safety features, I may not be able to afford it.  The idea of finding another place is also troubling because I was hoping to stay here for a couple more years.  What a mess my life seems.  I have lost perspective on living so well in the hollow for 21 years, for the many good times I had with Tracy, for all my travels and hikes in nature, for all the articles I wrote, mainly protecting nature, for the conservation easement I put on my property, for my friendships with Gloria, Gyorgyi, Dave, Lou and Cathy, and Claire Hall, for getting back in touch with Roberta, Judy and Paul and my nieces, Jenny and Patty and Patty’s daughters Gianna and Grace.  Rob said this afternoon things don’t look so bad in his view and I am sure he is right but my head is so screwed up right now that I can’t see it.  He asked me if I were suicidal and I could honestly say no, but this is a very bad time and I don’t know what I will feel if it goes on too long.    

A Somewhat Anxious Day

Tuesday has turned out to be another anxious day and I’m not sure why.  Things are going well (off the lupus drugs, all my outlines and rules ready, riding my bike, doing weights and some stretching, playing piano and singing).  Another positive is that  I set up an appointment with a financial advisor at TIAA on the 22^nd.  I did my knee exercises, sang my four songs, fixed the bed in the back of my truck (now it’s ready to sleep on), put the inflatable floor in and the paddle, then I was heading out to walk at Tech (even though several of my toes were hurting) but when I saw the sky I decided I’d better try to play golf right then.  When it got there is was very crowded so I played the 18^th hole three times, once as a par 5, and I got a 5 on it.  Then I went over to the first tee and it was open as were 2 and 3 so I started playing and did well, with a 5, 4, 4.  On the 4^th hole I was close on two (I hit from the 280 yard mark) and, in retrospect, if I had hit my gap wedge onto the green, I might have shot a 39.  Instead I put it in the rough and ended up with a 6.  On the next hole, usually the hardest par 4, I go a 4, then a 5 on the par five with a great putt, then a 4 (after a fine first shot) then another 4, with a great second shot, and all I needed was a 4 to break 40.  My drive was good, but I flubbed my second shot, then hit my third shot to within 4 feet and all I had to do was make the putt for a 39 and instead I left it 3 inches short.  What a dummie.  I stopped for gas, then a McChicken sandwich, then I picked up my prescription at Blacksburg pharmacy, and the rains came, just torrential and I drove back to my apartment, where I tried to take a nap but failed so I got up and played piano for almost 30 minutes, then washed the dishes, then worked on my blog.  Later I plan to go over to Tech to ride and that should calm me a little, although I feel okay right now.  I did not take any valium and that is a good sign.   

An anxious day

Sunday was a tough day and at many points during it I almost took a half of a valium but I didn’t.  I got up feeling a little anxious, but I did my knee exercises and practiced some piano, and then headed off to the 11:30 Mass and I sang pretty well.  Brent was right behind me and it is always nice to hear his voice.  I saw Beth and chatted for a couple minutes and then I decided to head over to Tech for a 40 minute walk, which did calm me down some.  Then I was stuck with much too much time on my hands so I drove out to Walker Creek, feeling the whole time that I was wasting gas.  The river was up but I fished at the bridge at White Gate and  caught one small fish.  It seemed like a waste of time but I drove back to Tech and drove around campus for 40 minutes and that also calmed me a bit and then I headed home to watch TV.   

Rise and Fall

Saturday turned out to be a very active day.  I did my knee exercises, unloaded a few things from the truck, went for a 40 minute walk over at Tech, played golf (because it was slow I ended up playing 13 holes) very well, then trying to nap a bit but instead heading out to fish on Sinking creek, then heading back to Tech to ride my  bike for 40 minutes.  I watched TV until 12:15 then went to bed pretty tired and slept till 6:30.  Unfortunately, when I got up I was a little anxious (mainly about my finances, but also about the trip to Charlottesville and then to Williamsburg, and probably a little bit about starting teaching again).  I did not look at my retirement stuff, even though I really wanted to, so that was good.  I look back at my trip to California and how difficult it was at points.  I spent over 5K on it, and I did enjoy the scenery and seeing Dave, and Patty and Josh and their kids, but it was a struggle and at least half the trip my energy level was very low.  So I wonder, do I want to go to Denver next summer and perhaps visit Dave in Las Vegas (it would be very hot there, which I don’t handle well at all)?  It would cost around 4K, and is that smart to do.  But if I worry too much about finances the next few years, I may be unable to travel later on.  I certainly have a limited window of traveling (maybe five years or so) but it has gotten so much harder now.  In trying to be honest with myself, I have to day that I have great ambivalence toward traveling.  I am not really looking forward to driving to Williamsburg, or to Pittsburg or going to see John at Thanksgiving or Roberta over winter break.  Even though I am feeling well right now, will I be able to stay off the lupus drugs.  That certainly is a legitimate worry.     

Catching up

Saturday morning and a whole week has passed without an entry.  Part of that is simple laziness and part of it is that I was pretty busy and pretty tired at points.  During the week, I went to see Dr. Ghosheh and my visit was very good.  He agreed that I should stay off the lupus drugs for now and though he would like me to get off the Hydralazine, he thinks I should stay on it for now since I am doing well.  He said that exercise will help my overall health but there was no evidence that it would affect my lupus.  I also went to New River Periodontics and had my teeth cleaned.  I have finished my outlines and rules and I am basically ready to start teaching.  I had dinner with the Gallos yesterday and that was fun.  I went fishing a couple of times out on Sinking Creek (one time when the creek was up a bit, I didn’t get any fish, which was very unusual), played golf a few times and shot pretty well though the last time I played, I shot a 47 and couldn’t focus very well even though I did enjoy myself.  I have resolved to not look at my retirement stuff during the month, and just update things at the end of each month.  I was becoming too obsessed with it and now that I have stopped looking at it, I am much more relaxed.  I can’t worry about three years from now.  If I need to teach an extra semester, so be it.  I talked with Rob yesterday and he was pleased with how I was doing.  I am still trying to set things up for a kayak trip with Kate and I hope to have it figured out soon.  I have started to unload my truck so I can use it to sleep in at least one night on my trip to Norfolk and I hope to use it more since it will save a good deal on motels, which are pretty expensive these days.  I am pretty sure I can get in and out pretty easily and in the past I never minded sleeping in the back of the truck. 

Still going well

Friday started well, with knee exercises, weights and stretching, some straightening up, and a nap.  I did play golf yesterday and had a great round, shooting a 40 with a real chance at a 39.  I got a 5 on the easy par 3, number 7, and just missed an eagle putt on number 4.  I brought my bike in to East Coasters and it turns out the set screw broke off and I may have to buy a new part for 70 dollars.  I think it can be fixed by drilling a new hole and tapping it out but Scotty, the mechanic on duty seemed skeptical.  I may have to try it myself.  I had a nice chat with Dave in the evening and found out that Maddie’s colonoscopy was fine, no polyps.  I did ride my bike outside of East Coasters so that was good, but I think I have to get my bike back on Monday.  I don’t want to leave it there for very long.  I went out to fish at David’s place and I met his girlfriend and they both were very sociable.  I tried my waders and they had a big rip in them and a few holes so I put some duct tape on and they worked fine.  I caught one very tiny fish with a wooly bugger. 

Saturday has been okay though I have been pretty tired.  I did clean the bathroom, do two loads of wash, weights and stretching (some with my right arm), played 20 minutes of piano and 30 minutes of singing, put a couple of patches on the inside of the waders, cleaned up the truck some, and I will be going to play golf in a few minutes.

Good Medical News

Wednesday was a very good day.  I did my knee exercises, my weights and stretching, my blog and I wrote out my new poem.  Then I went to see Rob about the results of my bloodwork.  The results were stable and Rob said I could drop the Bactrium (since I wasn’t on any lupus medication), that I could cut back to 8 mg of prednisone, that I could stay off the Diltiazen and the Plaquenel, that I could cut the Lasic to 20 mg every other day and that could cut back my synthroid to 225 mg.  All very good news.  I am still a little lightheaded but once I get going I am okay.  I went out to play golf even though the sky was threatening and got three holes in before one of the people in the office drove out to warn me about an very strong incoming storm.  That was quite nice.  I then had a southwest salad at McDonald’s and took a nap, then went for a bike ride at the Perry street garage.

Thursday has started okay, with knee exercises, a nap, some financial figuring and resolving a few matters over the phone.  I am tired but I am getting stuff done, including ordering my new parking sticker at Radford.  I hope to play golf later if the weather is okay.

Back in the swing of things

Monday was a decent day and my energy level wasn’t too bad.  I did my knee exercises, attended the 10 AM meeting with Heather and Shelly (which seemed to go pretty well and I think the trees are going to be saved and the structure in front of Mary’s windows will be replaced by a few picnic tables and chairs on some mulched ground.  I may also get a bike rack and Heather said that my screens will be fixed.  Then it was time to go do my bloodwork and that was virtually painless and I should get the results tomorrow and see Rob on Wednesday at 3:15.  Then it was time to go play golf and though I shot a 6 on my first hole (number 2), I ended up shooting a 44.  I then drove back to my apartment to rest some and then went off to ride my bike for 40 minutes. 

Tuesday has started well, with knee exercises and then some singing from Breaking Bread, my weights and yoga, and my blog for yesterday.  I have to see the dermatologist at 1:45 and then pick up my meds at Walmart, then go to Jeff’s to say goodbye to Paul and Maruja.  Then I hope to ride my bike at Tech this evening.  I did call Amtrak and I addressed my complaint about the car attendant and the person I spoke with gave me a 200 dollar credit for my next trip. 

The rest of the Western Trip

Monday I got up pretty early to use the recreation center and what a place it was.  It had everything and I was able to do 40 minutes of biking and some weights with both my arms for a change.  I went back to my room, showered and then packed the car and headed off to see Mesa Verde.  The traffic bothered me and some drivers got right up my ass, which was a bit scary.  I was driving about 60 and the limit was 65 so I wasn’t slow.  The iconic view of the entrance mesa was impressive and I enjoyed the ride into the park particularly the short hike up Park Point.  It was 8,500 feet and it made exercising very hard. However, the view was superb.   I was going to go to one of the ruins but the sign said 7 miles down the turnoff road but I found nothing even at 8 so I turned around and headed back.  I wouldn’t recommend Mesa Verde unless you had seen most of the other more impressive National Parks.  I drove toward Chama and the ride was okay, not the most scenic and eventually stopped under a large pine tree for a nap.  Then I stopped at a lake on the Ute reservation where they charged me 10 dollars to fish.  The fellow there told me that the lake had been stocked with 30,000 trout—and that bass were there and catfish—but I only got one small fish and I wasn’t sure what it was.  I tried at the dock right by the bait shop—and there were many 6 inch trout swimming there—but I couldn’t get one to hit even though I rigged up my fly rod and tried a tiny gold ribbed hair’s ear.  It was still fun and I headed off to Chama passing through Pagosa Springs, which seemed like a very cool town.  I got to Chama and it was clear that the river was much too low to fish and I didn’t want to get a license.  I took a nap, then headed over to the High Country restaurant for a pretty good meal of a hamburger smothered in red chili sauce and cheese and a small caesar salad.  I packed my stuff that I am going to mail back to Virginia and watched some TV. 

Tuesday morning found me doing my knee exercises, then heading off to the Post Office to mail my package.  Then it was time to drive to Sante Fe and the ride was okay but certainly not that scenic.  I almost made it to Sante Fe when it was time for the World Cup match between Belgium and England so I used my GPS to find a restaurant and did but luckily I found this combination restaurant and store in Tesuque and I was able to enjoy the entire game, possibly the best one I have seen so far.  After the game ended I drove toward downtown Santa Fe and ended up parking at a lot a few blocks from the historic plaza and it was nice to see the famous cathedral mentioned in Willa Cather’s Death Comes for the Archbishop.  I then drove out of town to beat the traffic and got to Las Vegas by 6, checked into the Comfort Inn, and after a quick nap, rode the stationary bike for 30 minutes and did one of the machines with both arms.  Fthen went to a Chinese buffet (not very good) for dinner.  Then it was back to the hotel to watch TV.  I still had a little problem breathing since Las Vegas is almost 7,000 feet high, but so far I have not had to use any of my asthma spray the entire trip. 

Wednesday started with another 30 minutes on the bike and more work on the weight machine, then I took it easy in the room since there was no point of leaving before check out time at 11.  I then loaded my car, got some gas and picked up prunes at Walmart before heading to the Amtrak station at around 11:30.  Time passed quickly and I talked to Lou briefly before getting on the train with a female train attendant who was very kind and helped me with my bag.  I had a nice lunch, napped for several hours, then had a good walk at Albuquerque.  Dinner was decent salmon, mixed vegetable and baked potato and I had the fruit and cheese tray instead of a more sugary dessert.  It’s already 8:15 so I will be getting off in less than 12 hours.   

Thursday started off okay.  I didn’t sleep much, having to pee about once an hour, but finally 5 came and it was time to go to breakfast.  That was nice, having a good conversation with a fellow who had been in the air force.  After that I went back to my room and got everything ready to get off in Fullerton.  At a little before 8 I got off and got over to Track 3 where the train to Oceanside stopped and in 10 minutes the train came and I was on the final leg of my journey.  It was interesting to see all the beaches and the hundreds of surfers.  At 9:20 I got off and in five minutes, Dave appeared and our long awaited visit began.  We had a good chat in his apartment and then Dave treated me to lunch at the Oceanside Broiler.  When we got back, I took a long nap and then we went for a walk on the beach of two miles, which I felt great about and then we went back to the apartment and showered and headed to Norte, a Mexican restaurant in neighboring Carlsbad.  It was very good and I treated Dave to dinner.  After dinner we watched the Yankees win against Cleveland then headed to sleep around 11:30. 

        Friday found me getting up around 7, doing my knee exercises and working on my finances, then working on my FAR, and then my blog.  I felt pretty productive and my health seemed to be doing fine right now.  However, the afternoon proved the start of my health problems.  I really struggled to walk the two miles, and had to sit down three times just to get back. I hadn’t taken my plaquenil and I didn’t take the diltiazem, figuring these drugs were the only new ones I was on that one or both of them might be causing my tiredness.  When Dave and I tried to go to dinner I could hardly make it to the elevator so we decided Saturday to order from a nearby Chinese restaurant.  My shrimp and broccoli were fine and we watched another Yankee game before heading to bed around 11:30.

Saturday morning I was pretty tired and didn’t have the energy to even shower.  I really just rested and then Dave and I went out to breakfast but I could tell my energy was very low.  It felt almost like the weakness I felt on Prograf although I wasn’t anxious.  I couldn’t even do a walk and I was really listless.  I did watch some TV but I went to be early, around 11:00

Sunday things seemed to get a little better.  I felt a lot more energy and I was able to shower.  Dave and I went to breakfast at the Petite Madeline again it was quite good, and then we went for a long walk along the harbor.  I felt fine and I thought I could walk another half mile.  Later Dave took me over to the train station and he waited until the train came around 4.  It was a good visit that would have been much better if I had had some energy the whole time.   I got into Fullerton around 7 and then had dinner before heading to my room and relaxing until it was time for bed. 

Monday morning found me somewhat lightheaded but I went and had breakfast and then took it pretty easy until dinner was approaching but since we were almost an hour late, I asked if I could get my dinner since we were very late and they decided I should and I did.  Then it was time to take the cab to the Quality Inn in Trinadad and it was kind of run down, thus the price of 100 dollars.   It had been impressive how much the motels cost this trip, with the average over 140 dollars.  I  certainly spent more than a thousand dollars for 7 nights lodging.

Tuesday morning found me ready to be picked up at 8:30 and Sharon was right there on time and though it took them almost an hour to get everything together, I was on my way to Colorado Springs by 9:30.  I had time to take a quick but needed nap and I would have arrived at Patty’s on time but there was an auto on fire and that slowed things by at least 15 minutes.  The girls were delighted to see me, and we went out to a Noodles and Company and I had a fine Pad Thai.  We went back to Patty’s and I played with the kids for several hours and got an hour’s crucial nap.  The Josh came and we hustled and arrived at the Bonefish Grill a few minutes late.  The meal was first rate, with me having arctic cod and Gianna having a lobster tail, which she really wanted.  Then I drove to my hotel room and tried the exercise bike but could only ride it for 10 minute and do 4 rounds of weights.  I got to the room and showered and then watched an Alex Cross movie and went to bed around 11:30. 

Wednesday was a good morning.  I was able to ride the bike for 15 minutes and do 4 rounds of weights.  I got everything packed and I was on the way to Patty’s by 8:45 and though I was light headed, we played in the house for an hour then went outside and played on the gym, got in the treehouse, slid down the slide, and had a very good time.  Then it was time for lunch at Panera, which was very good, and our goodbyes.  Both of the girls wished I lived closer and I wished the same.  The kept hugging me and I told them I would try to visit at Christmas.   Then I had a fairly difficult drive back to Trinidad and I had to stop several times to rest.  Finally I got there around 3:45, checked in the car and got a ride to the Amtrak station around 4:15 though the train was delayed until 6:52 so I went to a nearby Mexican restaurant and had a Chicken and Cheese Burrito and worked on my blog, which is now up to date. The train was over an hour and 15 minutes late and I ended up sitting on a curb with my back propped up on my bag for almost an hour.  Then the train came and I was on my way home.  It was a decent trip although I struggled with the meds and the altitude at points, but I accomplished what I wanted, 5 days in Colorado, including the guided fishing trip on the Gunnison, seeing the Gunnison canyon again, seeing Mesa Verde for the first time, then visiting Dave for 4 days, then visiting Patty, Josh, Gianna and Grace for two days.  I am still struggling with my energy level so I am not sure what factors were at play.  I know at Dave’s stopping the Diltiazen and the Plaquenil helped a great deal but I was hoping that it was the altitude that was causing me problems after leaving Dave’s but now two days in the lowlands I am still struggling.  I got to Chicago at almost 5 so I had only 15 minutes to walk around, but that helped.  Then I napped a bit and went to dinner where I met a fascinating couple who collecting antique cars and they were such fun to chat with.  Debi sent me her article (which needed a lot of detail to be published) and I edited for her. 

I got up Thursday for breakfast then napped a bit then had lunch and got off about an hour late in Clifton Forge.  I was a bit worried about walking to the police station but I made it with one stop to rest and then I headed home getting back around 4 and then taking a nap before riding my bike for 40 minutes at Tech and doing my knee excercises.

Friday was a day to get thing back in order in my apartment and I spent a lot of the day doing that.  I did my knee exercises, and later did my 40 minute bike ride.  My mail brought only one real surprise.  The Social Security Administration is going to penalize me 1800 dollars for July and the explanation they gave me in the letter was incomprehensible.  I am going to see if I get any money on the 26^th and then I may call them to dispute the ruling.  Luckily, my monthly SS payment will go up 50 a month, I still haven’t sold the kayak and pack, I got a check from Farhi for 184, I will have around 400 dollars in credit card rewards, and I am going to reduce my spending to 1500 a month again until I make up the loss.  In January I should get a SS cola increase so I should be fine then. 

Saturday was a very good day.  I did my knee exercises, watched Tiger in The Open (at one point he was tied for the lead, went over to St. Jude’s for confession (I really liked the priest there), then went to play golf, giving myself a goal of 52 since I hadn’t played in 3 weeks, and shot a 44, which really surprised me, then went fishing out on Sinking Creek and caught 3 fish, one of them a large bass, then headed to Tech and after a long talk with Roberta, rode for 40 minutes before heading home for a late dinner.

Sunday I did my knee exercises, then got ready for mass and felt very good.  Mike’s sermon which talked about hell being an eternal breaking of the relationship with God was profound and elegant, and I told him so.  He really is good at his sermons.   Then I came home to watch Tiger end up two shots behind in The Open and take a long nap, from which I woke up dizzy even though my blood pressure was 138.

The Western Trip

Tuesday was a waiting day since I couldn’t get going but I really wanted to.  I did my knee exercises, did a little more packing, and went for a 35 minute walk over at Tech.  I then decided that I would head out toward Pembroke mainly for the ride through the mountains but I decided that it would be nice to fish a little at Eggleston.  The water was flowing gently but it seemed to be too much for the fish, so I moved down to another, slower spot and I got a small red eye bass.  I drove back and headed for VT where I rode the bike for a solid 40 minutes.  I am a little worried about the trip, but I think once I get on the train things will be calmer.

Wednesday morning saw me driving over to Tech to do a 40 minute bike ride and then coming back for a nap.  Then I was able to have a nice phone chat with Kelly and she seems to be doing well enough.  She has some minor health problems but overall not too much to complain about.  It has been a long time since I really chatted with her and I told her I would like to visit if my health holds put.  Then it was time to finish packing and showering and that worked fine with everything ready to go at just about noon, which was my plan.  The traffic on 81 wasn’t too bad and once I exited at 150, traffic was even easier.  I was way ahead so I took a 25 minute nap under a shady tree and then drove the rest of the way to Clifton Forge.  I dropped my stuff off at Jack Mason’s Tavern, then drove back to the police station, parked, then walked in the heat back to the Tavern, where I had an excellent fish and French fries, along with a side salad and roasted vegetables.  The fish and roasted vegetables were very good.  I was a little worried about getting my stuff over to the station, but I had no problem, and I sat there chatting with a fellow whose son was outrageous, and he kept slamming the door at least 70 times before his father finally stopped him.  The train was an hour and a half late but I got on and found myself without much energy so I simply watched the scenery until it was time to go to dinner, during which I watched the New River through the Prince canyon and then through the New River Gorge.  Dinner was not very good, a very small portion of Beef Bourguignon with some mashed potatoes and a teaspoon of vegetables.  The waiter paid no attention to me but I gave him a small tip anyway.  I went to bed around 11:30, very tired but satisfied I had gotten this far.

Thursday began with having to go pee every two hours but that was okay.  I finally got up around seven and walked some at the Indianapolis station.  After breakfast, I checked my blood pressure which was 129 / 60, so I didn’t take any more BP medication.   At breakfast I reflected on how much I still was enjoying travel (it certainly is harder, but leaving from Clifton Forge is so much easier than driving to Cary, NC.  I was relaxed and enjoyed passing the little towns, the soybean and corn fields, the vehicles at the crossings.  I am not sure if I will take a very long trip again, but I think Denver will still remain a possibility.  The train was a little late getting into Chicago but once I got there I stowed one of my bags, emptied a lot of the stuff in the backpack, then headed off to find a Divvy bike location.  I had to walk pretty far to find a working one on Adams but eventually I did and I rode over to the lake and then rode along it for at least 35 minutes with one stop along the way because it was too hot.  I’m glad I did it for my breathing but the heat took most of the joy out of the ride.  After that I walked back to Union Station (with two rest stops) and got there just as it started to rain.  I must have walked three miles and when I finally got to the Metropolitan Lounge, I was totally exhausted.  After eating some pepper jack cheese cubes and carrot strips and tiny tomatoes, I felt a little better.  Then as it got time to head for the train, I waited outside to get red cap service but none came so I walked to the train and that was pretty tiring.  Once aboard, I got to stretch out and that felt good and I also found that I could rent a car in Trinidad (about 4 hours less driving when I visit Patty and her kids) so I changed my Amtrak reservation and set up a room in Trinidad for the 16^th.  Because of equipment failure, dinner was a side salad, a small slice of pizza, some pasta and a small piece of garlic bread, with a little cup of cheesecake for dessert.  I went to bed around 11:30 after trying to get the car attendant for a least a half hour.  Then I had problems sleeping and I ended up taking two halves of a valium so I could sleep some.  I got up around 7 and had breakfast, which was a breakfast sandwich with some fruit.  I got a nap in and when I asked for some more water the surly attendant wouldn’t give me any more even though I explained my medical situation.  I asked to see the conductor and he was friendly.  I showed him my cane and all the meds I have to take and he gave me a couple of small bottles of water.  Later outside he told me to call Amtrack to try to get a refund for the food.  I did get a short walk at Raton and the next stop is Las Vegas.  I finally did get a Colorado license over the phone after failing 3 times before.  We are an hour behind so that shouldn’t prevent me from getting to Alamosa by 6 or 7.   The train attendant did not show up to help me with my bags so about 10 minutes from Las Vegas, I carried my bags to the doorway and waited for him.  However he didn’t show up even as the train was slowing down and I got really upset.  Then the train stopped and he still wasn’t there and I freaked.  I waited two minutes and then I started opening the door and he finally appeared.  I cursed him and after I got off and he didn’t offer to help me with my bags, I cursed him even more.  Thank god I got off the train and didn’t have to go to the next stop.  I found my rental car and in a few minutes I had picked up my package from the Post Office and was on my way to Alamosa.  It had some mountains in the distance but it wasn’t particularly scenic until I drove through the Sante Fe National Forest and that was pretty impressive.  As I neared the intersection of 64 I saw that Taos was only a couple of miles out of my way and the pueblo was only about 6 miles.  I decided to go for it but it was a mistake.  There was construction so it took 25 minutes to get through the highly commercialized town and then the pueblo was closing for the afternoon and there was admission so I just parked for a few minutes and took one picture of an adobe building.  It was a waste of time but I fortunately didn’t have to go through town again and as I was heading out I stopped to take a few pictures at the bridge going across the Rio Grande.  That was pretty impressive.  I kept on my way and got to Alamosa around 7, and  after gassing up and accidently driving off the curb to exit (which seemed to do no damage) I drove to the Comfort Inn and brought my stuff in.  I then headed for Nino’s Mexican and I had a terrific dinner of chicken flautas and red and green chile.  Back at the Comfort Inn I used the exercise bike for 30 minutes, did some weights and back in my room I wrote a long complaint to Amtrak about the room attendant. 

Saturday morning found that thought the tire warning gauge was on, the tires were all full and someone told me that a bump like going off the curb could have affected the gauge.  That was comforting and as I traveled the gauge would go on and off at points.  I drove toward Gunnison passing through a lovely canyon in Carson National Forest and got to Gunnison just in time to watch the second soccer game between Russia and Croatia (I had watched the first game between Sweden and England in my room).  The game was a good one but I had to leave to meet Dane for the float trip so I headed off and met him at around 2:30 at the Garlic Mike’s put in.  He was friendly and very helpful and I sensed that this was going to be a good trip.  I wore my tevas and just my long sleeved shirt and that initially seemed a dumb idea because the weather looked very threatening but fortunately the weather held and we both had a good time.  He could see that I was a very good fly fisherman, and he complimented my casting quite a bit.  The river was tough, having been fished all day, but we saw a number of rising fish, and I caught 5 and Dane caught 3 (though he only fished about a third of what I did).  We floated about 5 miles and that took about 4 hours and I was pretty exhausted when I got done.  I gave him a good tip and thanked him for his services.  The river was very pretty and I cast into hundreds of enticing spots.  I checked into my room at the Water Wheel motel (which was kind of dumpy, but only cost 100 dollars instead of the 174 at the Comfort Inn.  I was told to go for dinner at Anejo’s for good chile but they didn’t have chile but the fish tacos was pretty good.  I drove back to the motel, and I was too exhausted to do anything so I just stayed in bed and watched TV till 11 and went to sleep then.

  In the morning, I took a good shower with the Ringworm shampoo, then applied the cream which made me feel pretty good.  I had a quick breakfast then started driving toward the Black Canyon of the Gunnison.   It was a very scenic drive and after about an hour I reached the South Rim entrance and in a few miles I was at the first viewpoint, Tomichi Point, then stopping at Pulpit Rock, Chasm View, and Sunset View.  What a remarkable place.  Now it was time to head to Montrose to do my laundry and that went pretty well and soon enough I was on my way to Durango.  I passed through the very lovely town of Ouray then several mountain summits, with rain and hail at points.  It finally cleared as I approached Durango and I headed to the Quality Inn for a nap and then dinner at Ken and Sue’s, a very nice restaurant where I had cilantro crusted halibut, sticky rice and sautéed spinach, with a small salad and excellent bread.  After that I walked along the historic downtown for 20 minutes then headed back to my room to finish up my blog.   

The Trip is On

Monday turned out to be a very good day.  I did my knee exercises, then drove to Rob’s office to get my blood drawn to see if I would be able to go on my trip.  I then drove out to play nine holes of golf with Craig Waggaman.  We were put on the back nine so that took away any advantage I had with being familiar with the course since I almost never am able to play the back (which I wouldn’t mind doing more).  Anyway, Craig gives me 9 shots, one a hole and on the first hole Craig hits two very solid shots from the senior tees and then hits a wedge into the hole from about 45 yards for an eagle.  Wow! He wins the hole and has a one shot lead.  Craig plays very well, eventually shooting a 38, but I shoot a 44, even with moving my tee back on 14 on.  We had some lunch and then we headed off.  It was a lot of fun.  Next I take a quick nap and meet Claire for a second lunch at Nagoya.  She was doing very well and then we headed over to Kate’s to water the flowers so Claire can see the procedure Kate wants followed.  Then I came home and got the good news from Rob and Ghosheh that my blood level was stable and my kidney number was a little better.  The trip is on.  Then I needed a very long nap and I got up at almost 7.  I did some errands and then went and did my bike ride but I was still pretty tired so I only rode about 25 minutes.  I headed home and realized that I am not leaving till Wednesday so I actually have an extra day (I would have preferred to get going on Tuesday but it will have to wait.  My rash was bothering me some so I put some cream on and that helped.

Roller Coaster

Saturday was a reasonable day with knee exercises, weights for my left arm, some stretching, and picking up the remaining supplies for the trip.  I eventually drove out to Walker Creek at the White Gate bridge and caught 3 small fish.  I then headed over to tech and rode my bike for a solid 40 minutes up 10 ramps.  I went to bed around 12.

Sunday found me waking up at 3:30 very worried about the trip.  I read some stuff online about withdrawing from Cellcept and it sounds pretty scary.  I got up and wrote to UVA but I don’t really expect a response untiI Monday.  I have been off the Cellcept for three days and fortunately I was only on it for a little less than two weeks so the withdrawal should be pretty easy, I hope.  I took a full valium and got up in time to call Rob at 8 (he was going to call Ghosheh and get back to me, but it’s after 5 and I haven’t heard from him).  I also called Dave last night at 11 his time but he didn’t return my call.  I then showered and treated myself with the cream and that felt much better.  I watched Spain and Russia play but I had to leave at 11:15 to head to Mass.  I felt good when I got there but just as Mass started a guy with a cough sat right in front of me and I had to sit in the Narthex part of the time.  It totally ruined the experience.

Some Tough Moments

Thursday was an okay day with knee exercises, some piano and singing, and then doing a bunch of errands.  I checked my mail at Radford, got the meds at Walmart, and picked up some other supplies.  I went for my 40 minute bike ride at Tech and that felt good.  I stayed up till 12 but I awoke at 3:30 very anxious and almost decided to cancel the trip but after 2 halves of valium, I calmed down, got to sleep.

Friday found me waking up at 8:30 and I felt much better so I am going to try to tough it out.  Rob texted to tell me not to worry about the last couple days, and later he called and said that my blood level was down a pint, and he thought it might be the Cellcept so he might take me off it.  He said he was going to talk to Dr. Kalantari next week.  Kalantari’s colleague emailed me that the only alternative to the Cellcept is Cyclosporin (not exactly) and that has more side effects.  I did my knee exercises and then later I took a walk over at Tech for 25 minutes.

Is There Any Hope Left

Wednesday was a very strange and it may be the day that I decided to end my journey.   I awoke feeling even more anxious and at one point I started to cry.  I was also very tired feeling and I knew it was the cellcept.  I have no reason right now to be very anxious or unreasonably tired.  It was getting more and more like last summer when I was so very tired and so very anxious.  Despite remaining tired I decided to go play golf and amazingly, I played incredibly well and shot a 40.  I then decided to nap and I think I did drift off, then I drove out to David’s place and caught 3 nice bass, then coming back I was partially run off the road by a small gray car.  I called the police but I doubt anything will come of it.  Then I called Rob and I was hysterical about what the cellcept was doing to me, that it was just like last summer and I do think the cellcept and perhaps the high dose of prednisone back then, contributed to my selling the hollow at such a low price.  It was during this time that Rob put me on Zoloft but that was a total failure.  I told Rob that I won’t go through that hell again and that I would rather die.  I think I am sincere about that.  I called Dr. Ghosheh about the situation and also wrote to Dr. Kalantari.  If they can’t do something for me I don’t see much hope of continuing on.  I’ve suffered for 18 months and that is enough.

Package Mailed to Colorado

Monday was a decent day, but I awoke being a little anxious and somewhat tired.  I did my knee exercises, played some piano, then went off to mail my box of fishing gear and clothes.  That cost almost 50 dollars but I think it makes sense so I don’t have to carry much stuff out to Colorado and back.  I called Ghosheh and he said it was okay for me to stay on 2 cellcepts until I got back from my tripnapped a little then later I went out to play golf and shot a 45.  After that I had a Southwest salad at McDonald’s and then off to VT for a 40 minute bike ride. 

Tuesday started off the same, feeling a little anxious and tired, but I did my knee exercises, played some piano and sang, then showered and put on the cream.  My itching is definitely getting better.  I also did some straightening around the apartment, and I had to lie down a couple of times but I wasn’t able to nap.   

One Very Good Day

Saturday turned out to be a very good day.  I was a little hyper in the morning, not able to nap at all, but I did my piano work, my knee exercises, my weights, my blog, and I did some wash.  Then I went out to play nine holes of golf and shot a 43.  Then it was time to go fishing at my new spot, and I tried my waders out and they worked fine though I caught only one small on my fly rod.  I was using my pack rod (meant for a 7 weight line) with a 4 weight line and it didn’t cast very well.  The biggest thing was that David was coughing and I may have caught something from him.  That will really stress me out.  After the fishing I drove to VT and did my bike ride of almost 40

Sunday I woke up very dry in the mouth (am I getting sick?) and not very productive.  I did my knee exercises then I showered with the new shampoo and put on the cream.  Then it was off to Mass and that went pretty well and I know some of the songs and responses.  Then I went off to first register for the second year of my warranty on my new phone, then a nap under the trees near Home Depot, then searching for regular boot waders (my stocking foot and boot waders were pretty tough to get on and off) and I did find a decent pair for 60 dollars but because they were used a bit I got 20 percent off so that was a good break.  I am going to send them out to New Mexico with my other fishing gear and my tevas and some clothing so I won’t have so much to carry on the train.   I’ve gotten most of the gear together and I will finish packing it later.  I hope to get my bike ride in later but I may have to push to do that. 

Catchup

This will be a big catchup, all the way to Saturday morning.  The train ride back started okay, but toward evening I started having an itch on my back.  I thought it might be bed bugs and the car attendant said it was possible but he also said that it might be the detergent they use to clean the cars.  Anyway, it got worse and when I got home it was a real problem.  Rob had me go to see Dr. Johnson in Narrows and he did a biopsy but I didn’t hear until I went to see Rob on Wednesday for a shot to calm the itching and it turned out I had ringworm.  It certainly didn’t look like ringworm but that’s what the biopsy said.  So I had to undergo treatment for ringworm, taking some pills and some cream and washing my hair with Nizoral.  I felt better on Friday and pretty good this morning.  I must have gotten it when I was wearing my tevas when Roberta and I were kayaking.  I went to UVA on Tuesday to see Dr. Kalantari and he was very sociable and very smart.  The drive up and back wasn’t too bad and on the way back I got off at the exit for North Creek and drove up to the top of the mountain and rode my bike around MM 99 for 40 minutes.  Even though I was itching some, I really enjoyed the views and the exercise was great.  I rode my bike yesterday all around the Tech campus and I hope to ride later.  Saturday morning was very productive with knee exercises, doing two loads of was, straightening up around the apartment, signing up for Mychart at UVA, playing some piano and singing.  However, I couldn’t nap, which may be because of the Cellcept of the Terbinafine tablets for the ringworm (which can affect your sleep).   Yesterday was a very hard morning, full of self doubt.  I was very uncomfortable and I ended up taking half a valium twice to calm myself and help me sleep a bit.  Dave called and I was very down but he cheered me up and later I went for my bike ride, mentioned above.

Saturday and Sunday

Saturday was a pleasant day of kayaking the intercoastal again (very crowded) and playing golf (I played my best, shooting two pars and a number of fours.  Roberta also played well and I think I won by one stroke.  I went to Mass at 5 and that was nice.  I sang a little bit but I didn’t know the songs so I kept things pretty low.  One guy was singing very loud but he didn’t have a very good voice so that was annoying.  Then Roberta and I went to dinner at Kee’s in Jupiter and it was fabulous.  Roberta had a steak that was excellent and I had Chilean Sea Bass that was amazing.  Then we sat by the water and enjoyed the sunset.  When we returned home, we watched the third round of the U.S. Open and it was remarkable.  The course was very close to unplayable and the four leaders ended up 3 over par, with Dustin Johnson, the first and second round leader, shooting a 77 and still ending up a co-leader.  On the 18^th hole he ended up three putting from 10 feet.  Phil Mickelson ended up with a 17 over par and got a two stroke penalty for hitting his ball back toward the hole as it was rolling off the green. 

Sunday started well, with my knee exercises and a quick chat with Rob.  It is Father’s day and I congratulated him for how well he has handle Raechel and Noah.  I chatted some with my sister and did work on my blog.  My right ear is still a problem and this is day 7 of being off Cyclosporin so I am not sure if my ear problem is going to be permanent.  That is not good. 

First Half of my Visit to Roberta

Tuesday I did my knee exercises then packed up the truck and started my drive to Cary.  It was pretty easy until I got to 40 and then the traffic was quite heavy.  I really had to concentrate but I eventually got to Chapel Hill around 1:30.  I parked at the visitor’s center and walked all around the area down to Wilson Library.  The trees were simply marvelous and I enjoyed them immensely.   I had a late lunch at a cheap Chinese place and it was tolerable.  Then I napped and headed to Cary around 6:15 and only ran into a bit of traffic near the Cary exit.  I stopped in a mall that had a Bass Pro Shops store and looked at the fishing boats.  It would be fun to run one of them but those days are over for me.  Then I had a salad at a Tropical Smoothie Café and then headed to the train station which had ample parking and I napped again.  The train was a half hour late but by 10 I was in my sleeper.

Wednesday started with a cold room on the train and sleeping was hard but eventually I caught a little sleep as I turned off more of the vents.  I took several naps during the mid-morning and later and the train was an hour and a half late so I got into West Palm at around 6.  Roberta was waiting and we got back in time to play 8 holes of golf.  The clubs Roberta got me were pretty bad, with no sand wedge or lob wedge but I was able to use the 7 iron pretty well and on a short course that worked out okay.  I was really reduced to a 7,9, pitching and putter so some shots were very challenging.   The evening went well and we chatted pretty late and then I watched some TV until 12.

Thursday went fine, knee exercises in the morning, kayaking off Jupiter Island and playing with 3 cute kids, letting them use our kayaks to jump off of and paddle around, having a nice chat with the oldest girl, Abby, who was very smart and ambitious and eventually gave me a shell as a present.  Then it was off to a nearby restaurant where I had an okay crab cake with a nice salad and a lobster roll loaded with southern lobster meat.  Again, some good chatting and then bed time at 12.

Friday was also pretty good.  We played golf early, then had lunch and I went over to holes 13 and 14 and fished.  I got several bites but the fish were very small so I didn’t catch any but I enjoyed myself.  Later the weather got pretty bad so we didn’t kayak but instead went to Hobe Sound Beach and had a pleasant walk along the shore.  Back at Roberta’s townhouse, I tried the elliptical and it worked fine.  It got my breathing up and that was the key.   We had a very good chat about our situations (mine being not very good, with all the drugs I’m taking and my hearing problem in my right ear, and the physical decay that has made it much harder to do things and my lack of energy.  Roberta is doing very well considering she is 70, and I wish her well.