anoter catchup

Thursday had its ups and downs. I took my hike up to the orchard twice and felt almost normal on the way back down. Ground ivy, chickweed, the cherries and apples flowering, trilliums and bluebells and the wild geranium along with spring beauties. I talked to Claire Hall and she was very supportive. I also talked to Kelly and she was also very supportive. I also talked to Jenny and she was very tender and supportive. Then Gyorgyi called to invite me to lunch we met at Mellow Mushroom and had a good chat. After that I went to get my blood drawn but my veins were too hard from the hospital stay and Valarie couldn’t draw any blood despite trying 4 different times so I have to come back tomorrow, not at all what I planned. I took a brief nap in the truck in the front seat and then I rested again when I got the Radford to post my blog. I saw Tim Poland and chatted with him and then saw Don Secreast and his wife and chatted with them. I am down and if this keeps up I may ask Rob to give me something to help my mood particularly in the evening. Time seems so slow but the good thing is I am five days out of the hospital and I am so hopeful that I can get on the new treatment soon and that it will help. Friday turned out to be an interesting day. I didn’t need to use my nebulizer on Thursday night. However I did get the prednisone obsessiveness going so I didn’t sleep that well. In the morning I called Rob’s office to see him about how panicky I am getting (about the treatment, selling the house for a reasonable price, moving, returning to teaching) and I felt good that I would get to see him. I took my double hike to the orchard, and did my knee exercises and then headed in for my 1:30 appointment. Rob was very supportive, telling me it was the prednisone that was making me so jittery and he prescribed me valium to take twice a day if I need it (5 mg per dose). He also was very positive about my recovery and thought that I should be feeling much better in a month. I then went in to Valarie to get my bloodwork (and fortunately unlike Thursday’s visit where she couldn’t draw any blood despite sticking me 4 times, she was able to draw on the first try, partly because I was really hydrated today). I drove home, patched the two holes in the orchard shed, went back and did a little more work around the house and watering the greenhouse. I drove in to town around 7 and then decided to drive out to St. Mary’s Catholic Church, just really to take a look and perhaps gain some comfort from the visit but as I got there the parking lot was crowded and “The Veneration of the Cross” was just starting and I went in and was very moved by the ceremony. I felt real comfort having all the believers around me and the singing was also very comforting. I think I will try getting more involved as Sam Shoop and Kerie have suggested. Nature has always been so important to me but right now I think having more spirituality in my life would be a good thing. I hope I am not being a hypocrite but it is the hardest time of my life and I will try to be as honest as I can be with what I am doing. Then I went to dinner at Panera, writing Lou a response to his kind email and then I headed to Walmart for a few supplies. I then drove home, watched some TV and then the big test. I took the valium at 11:45 and went to bed at 12:15 and did without the nebulizer and as the valium kicked in I felt much more relaxed and the next thing I knew it was after 9 and I had slept through the night. Wonderful. On Saturday I did my two and a quarter hike to the orchard and trimming perhaps 6 feet of the road. I struggled with each step up but on the way down it was much easier. I got back and napped some then did some more straightening around the house, ate my first full salad from my greenhouse, then shaved and showered, and headed into town around 7:30. I stopped at Panera but after changing my reservation for my September trip (I am giving up Yellowstone and Banff and going straight to visit Dave and then spend 4 days in places like Zion and Bryce and maybe Arches). I really hope I will be healthy enough to make the trip, especially since I would really like to see Dave. I am glad I cut out the earlier part of the trip (I already cut out my two other trips to New York and to Bar Harbor) since I am worried about what I will get for the hollow (It is now listed on MLS and Zillow at 249K) but I don’t really expect to get that much. If I can pay Tracy off, pay off the equity line and still have perhaps 10K left in my AXA account after the sale, I can live with that. I may mean that I have to teach an extra semester but that should be doable. The last time I talked to Dave (and Rob agreed) he suggested renting and I talked to someone at Hethwood and the total cost of a one bedroom with a den (along with electricity, cable and internet) would be about 1200 whereas if I purchased a 250K house in Lion’s Gate, for instance, the cost would be around 1800 (1450 mortgage and taxes plus perhaps 200 for the homeowners, plus 150 for electricity, cable and internet) so even with the 2000 I would get back on the interest payments, it would sill cost me probably 400 more a month and that may be very needed money. I went over to O’Charley’s for dinner and though the internet wasn’t working I sent Lou an very friendly email on my phone and wrote extensively on my blog. Easter Sunday was an okay day, with the highlight being my attendance at the 12:00 mass at St. Mary’s. It was pretty crowded and they did a couple of baptisms during it. I was moved by the ceremony and I tried to focus on Jesus and what Catholic faith means. Sam Schoop says I have to search for such belief and I really am trying. If this faith can help me through this horrible time, then I hope I can continue to follow it. My parents were devout Catholics and I think they received much from their faith. I slept okay after taking a 5 mg valium but I did cough some through the night, though I didn’t have to use any albuterol. I did my knee exercises and my weights (just three sets) and then showered and dressed for church. After church I drove over to Copper Croft and I liked it. It’s near a bus stop and the Food Lion is about a mile away. I drove down to the bike trail and finally got my bike off after almost two months of not using it. I just drove for about twenty minutes and I was a little wobbly but it felt good to be able to bike even for that short time. I drove along Stroubles Creek and saw how the restoration was going. After that I drove home and was exhausted but couldn’t get to sleep so I took 2.5 mg of valium and in a few minutes I was able to get a decent nap. When I awoke I did a laundry, listened to more of the papal mass, and did a number of things around the house. I do feel better the cleaner I am getting it and I hope Darbi will be bringing someone out soon to look at it. I got a nice text with pictures of Kelly and Lucia and that made me feel better. I also texted with Cathy and I am going to have lunch with them on Thursday and then I will go out with them on Saturday to celebrate Maddie’s birthday. I haven’t heard back from the very friendly email I sent Lou yesterday and I hope he will respond at some point. I can’t wait to see Trivedi on Tuesday. I just talked to Gloria to wish her a happy easter and she was very kind and agreed that it was the prednisone that is making me so anxious, and mentioned how crazy Bryana got when she was on it. I