First Cytoxin

Tuesday was the day for my visit to Father John at St. Mary’s and I did some exercising in the morning, some napping, and then got ready to go to St. Mary’s. Unfortunately I got bad news from Darbi that the Sissons are not going to let David and Laura use their road at all (they were hoping to be allowed to use it at high water) and Darbi also found out that the Corps of Engineers will not let anyone build a bridge across the North Fork even though the Sissons have one less than a half mile away. That is a stunner and it if holds true (which would mean I would be landlocked at high water) then the only way to sell the hollow is with access across the ford, so it would mean the buyer could only have access at low water (which certainly is most of the time). The hollow could serve as a hunting club or a weekend retreat but it would reduce the price by perhaps 70K, an enormous blow to my finances. I talked to Lou and Cathy and they were supportive but it was only after I called Darbi back to check out what she really thought I could sell it for as is that I was able to calm a bit. Darbi thought I could get 150,000 for it so after all the closing costs and commissions, I would be able to clear around 130,000, which would also me to pay off the equity line if I add in most of my AXA money. I wouldn’t have enough to pay Tracy completely off but I could give her a significant check and hope she would allow me to pay her off over the next few year. Darbi knows how really weak and anxious I am, particularly since I am just starting the first Cytoxan treatment tomorrow, so she is going to take the hollow off the market for two weeks to give me a chance to heal. I think that is a good idea. My visit to Father John was very comforting. I confessed the one sin I have never been able to confess and he said that Jesus forgives all sins and now I do feel much more comfortable. I told him about all the people who have spoken to me about Jesus recently and he felt that it is my search for Jesus that has brought him into my heart. After confession, he anointed me with the sacrament for the sick, and then gave me holy communion, which also made me feel closer to Jesus and to the community of believers. I will try to go to more masses as I get better because they do influence me. After my visit I drove to my office to change my will since my financial situation has changed so significantly. I got rid of all the beneficiaries on my TIAA account since the entire 362,000 has to go to various people and now with the uncertainly of the hollow I want a good bit of that money to be available to pay off the hollow (along with my insurance). Now if something happens to me and Tracy can’t sell the hollow at all, there will be enough money to pay off the equity line and still get at least 50,000. That is fair and I don’t want her to worry about it. When I got home, I went to bed around 10:30, setting 3 different alarms, but I didn’t sleep very well, checking the phone time regularly and then drifting off for a half hour or so. Finally it was time to get up and I had a veggie burger sandwich, brushed and flossed my teeth, had a cup of Earl Grey tea, and showered and dressed for the big day. I got to the hospital around 7:30, took my 5 mg valium, and signed in about 7:45. My wait in the emergency room was only for a few minutes before I was wheelchaired up to my private room, and then it was at least an hour and a half before Lorrie (who was very nice) put the iv in which didn’t hurt too much. She told me I might have to stay until after 8, which would be much longer that the 6-8 hours I had been originally told. I rested a lot, and had a nice chat with Claire about her house (going slowly but getting there), and her Baptist background and how she got a lot of comfort out of Jesus when she was in High School and had problems with her boy friend. After she left I got my anemia shot at around 2, got more blood drawn a little later, and read some more from the Iliad and from Crime and Punishment. My schedule is to see Trivedi in two weeks for another anemia shot and then if she okays it I will get a second treatment on May 24, a month away which is fine with me. It is now 4:35 and the day is going okay. Thankfully I have nothing planned for tomorrow and on Friday Meade picks up the lawn tractor and I should be able to cut the grass soon. Chelsea Lorrie Sandra. I finally got my last IV dose around 9 and was released at around 9:45. What a day but I survived. I slept pretty well with the help of the Valium, but struggled a bit to get up and finally got out of bed around nine. I am now off CellCept and I was told that I would be tired today. That didn’t exactly happen and I hope the trend will continue. I was able to do some trimming on the road and then walk up to the orchard once (first time in four days). It helped my breathing a little and then I went back home and had trouble falling asleep, so I did my knee exercises, 25 minutes of biking, watered the greenhouse and got rid of another wasp nest, washed all the dishes, did take a nap, then put away the food supplies, straightened out all the junk on the kitchen table, finished Crime and Punishment (just an incredible novel) and started Nostromo (also on the Modern Library top 100 list). I have also resolved to stop obsessing about selling the hollow and how much I can get. It isn’t helping me and going against my three principles: first, get better; second, sell the hollow; third, move into an apartment. I talked to Sam about getting a price to get all the insulation out from under the crawlspace and that really should be done soon. I am still thinking a lot about Jesus being in my heart now and I am continuing to read a chapter of the Bible at night. Even if my treatment doesn’t work, I feel that I am in the grace of God and that is clearly more important than any earthly things. I do think I had a little more energy today. I was going to drive into town but it looked like bad weather so I will stay here and watch some basketball and some of the NFL draft. Friday was an okay day but my energy level was not too good. I slept till around 8:30 and then was able to get the trimmer out and do most of the trimmer in the yard. I went down to meet Lonnie East at the gate and he drove up to pick up the lawn tractor and I should have that back next week. He stopped and prayed for me for my recovery and said he would ask his congregation to do the same. I did my knee exercises, and 30 minutes of biking so I hope that will help in my recovery. I tried to run out the old gas in the generator but I am going to have to get a siphon. I decided to drive into town to get the antibiotics I need for Sunday and Monday (teeth cleaning day) and mail the AXA check, the AEP bill, and two other checks. I also faxed in for an AXA withdrawal for 7K so I won’t have to be doing it again for a while. I drove home while it was still light and when I was ready to watch season six of Game of Thrones found out that I had bought the Blu Ray version so it is worthless. I slept pretty well again but I really had trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I read some Nostromo, some of the Illiad, some of the Gospel of Matthew (some of it makes a lot of sense to me and other parts evade me). I watered the greenhouse and sprayed under the steps so the wasps or hornets don’t nest there. I fixed a hand mirror onto a pole and that should help me see what is going on with the wasps and hornets. The biggest shock I had was that when I went to say hello to Andy and his two friends who were going to camp tonight I notice that they had blocked the ford. I assume that means that they don’t want me to use the ford so that would be a big complication. I promised myself that I wouldn’t do any more figuring on the sale of the hollow but I did. If Darbi can’t sell it for at least 150,000 by the end of the contract in October, I will be pretty ;inched. If I can get 110,000 for it as a hunting and fishing retreat, I will not have a penny left over in my 403B but I should have enough to pay off my equity and move into an apartment. Rough times. My other option if I recover is to stay in the hollow as long as I can (perhaps even two more years, until June 19) and then I should be in asomewhat better financial position.