Some Tough Moments

Thursday was an okay day with knee exercises, some piano and singing, and then doing a bunch of errands.  I checked my mail at Radford, got the meds at Walmart, and picked up some other supplies.  I went for my 40 minute bike ride at Tech and that felt good.  I stayed up till 12 but I awoke at 3:30 very anxious and almost decided to cancel the trip but after 2 halves of valium, I calmed down, got to sleep.

Friday found me waking up at 8:30 and I felt much better so I am going to try to tough it out.  Rob texted to tell me not to worry about the last couple days, and later he called and said that my blood level was down a pint, and he thought it might be the Cellcept so he might take me off it.  He said he was going to talk to Dr. Kalantari next week.  Kalantari’s colleague emailed me that the only alternative to the Cellcept is Cyclosporin (not exactly) and that has more side effects.  I did my knee exercises and then later I took a walk over at Tech for 25 minutes.

Is There Any Hope Left

Wednesday was a very strange and it may be the day that I decided to end my journey.   I awoke feeling even more anxious and at one point I started to cry.  I was also very tired feeling and I knew it was the cellcept.  I have no reason right now to be very anxious or unreasonably tired.  It was getting more and more like last summer when I was so very tired and so very anxious.  Despite remaining tired I decided to go play golf and amazingly, I played incredibly well and shot a 40.  I then decided to nap and I think I did drift off, then I drove out to David’s place and caught 3 nice bass, then coming back I was partially run off the road by a small gray car.  I called the police but I doubt anything will come of it.  Then I called Rob and I was hysterical about what the cellcept was doing to me, that it was just like last summer and I do think the cellcept and perhaps the high dose of prednisone back then, contributed to my selling the hollow at such a low price.  It was during this time that Rob put me on Zoloft but that was a total failure.  I told Rob that I won’t go through that hell again and that I would rather die.  I think I am sincere about that.  I called Dr. Ghosheh about the situation and also wrote to Dr. Kalantari.  If they can’t do something for me I don’t see much hope of continuing on.  I’ve suffered for 18 months and that is enough.

Package Mailed to Colorado

Monday was a decent day, but I awoke being a little anxious and somewhat tired.  I did my knee exercises, played some piano, then went off to mail my box of fishing gear and clothes.  That cost almost 50 dollars but I think it makes sense so I don’t have to carry much stuff out to Colorado and back.  I called Ghosheh and he said it was okay for me to stay on 2 cellcepts until I got back from my tripnapped a little then later I went out to play golf and shot a 45.  After that I had a Southwest salad at McDonald’s and then off to VT for a 40 minute bike ride. 

Tuesday started off the same, feeling a little anxious and tired, but I did my knee exercises, played some piano and sang, then showered and put on the cream.  My itching is definitely getting better.  I also did some straightening around the apartment, and I had to lie down a couple of times but I wasn’t able to nap.   

One Very Good Day

Saturday turned out to be a very good day.  I was a little hyper in the morning, not able to nap at all, but I did my piano work, my knee exercises, my weights, my blog, and I did some wash.  Then I went out to play nine holes of golf and shot a 43.  Then it was time to go fishing at my new spot, and I tried my waders out and they worked fine though I caught only one small on my fly rod.  I was using my pack rod (meant for a 7 weight line) with a 4 weight line and it didn’t cast very well.  The biggest thing was that David was coughing and I may have caught something from him.  That will really stress me out.  After the fishing I drove to VT and did my bike ride of almost 40

Sunday I woke up very dry in the mouth (am I getting sick?) and not very productive.  I did my knee exercises then I showered with the new shampoo and put on the cream.  Then it was off to Mass and that went pretty well and I know some of the songs and responses.  Then I went off to first register for the second year of my warranty on my new phone, then a nap under the trees near Home Depot, then searching for regular boot waders (my stocking foot and boot waders were pretty tough to get on and off) and I did find a decent pair for 60 dollars but because they were used a bit I got 20 percent off so that was a good break.  I am going to send them out to New Mexico with my other fishing gear and my tevas and some clothing so I won’t have so much to carry on the train.   I’ve gotten most of the gear together and I will finish packing it later.  I hope to get my bike ride in later but I may have to push to do that. 

Catchup

This will be a big catchup, all the way to Saturday morning.  The train ride back started okay, but toward evening I started having an itch on my back.  I thought it might be bed bugs and the car attendant said it was possible but he also said that it might be the detergent they use to clean the cars.  Anyway, it got worse and when I got home it was a real problem.  Rob had me go to see Dr. Johnson in Narrows and he did a biopsy but I didn’t hear until I went to see Rob on Wednesday for a shot to calm the itching and it turned out I had ringworm.  It certainly didn’t look like ringworm but that’s what the biopsy said.  So I had to undergo treatment for ringworm, taking some pills and some cream and washing my hair with Nizoral.  I felt better on Friday and pretty good this morning.  I must have gotten it when I was wearing my tevas when Roberta and I were kayaking.  I went to UVA on Tuesday to see Dr. Kalantari and he was very sociable and very smart.  The drive up and back wasn’t too bad and on the way back I got off at the exit for North Creek and drove up to the top of the mountain and rode my bike around MM 99 for 40 minutes.  Even though I was itching some, I really enjoyed the views and the exercise was great.  I rode my bike yesterday all around the Tech campus and I hope to ride later.  Saturday morning was very productive with knee exercises, doing two loads of was, straightening up around the apartment, signing up for Mychart at UVA, playing some piano and singing.  However, I couldn’t nap, which may be because of the Cellcept of the Terbinafine tablets for the ringworm (which can affect your sleep).   Yesterday was a very hard morning, full of self doubt.  I was very uncomfortable and I ended up taking half a valium twice to calm myself and help me sleep a bit.  Dave called and I was very down but he cheered me up and later I went for my bike ride, mentioned above.

Saturday and Sunday

Saturday was a pleasant day of kayaking the intercoastal again (very crowded) and playing golf (I played my best, shooting two pars and a number of fours.  Roberta also played well and I think I won by one stroke.  I went to Mass at 5 and that was nice.  I sang a little bit but I didn’t know the songs so I kept things pretty low.  One guy was singing very loud but he didn’t have a very good voice so that was annoying.  Then Roberta and I went to dinner at Kee’s in Jupiter and it was fabulous.  Roberta had a steak that was excellent and I had Chilean Sea Bass that was amazing.  Then we sat by the water and enjoyed the sunset.  When we returned home, we watched the third round of the U.S. Open and it was remarkable.  The course was very close to unplayable and the four leaders ended up 3 over par, with Dustin Johnson, the first and second round leader, shooting a 77 and still ending up a co-leader.  On the 18^th hole he ended up three putting from 10 feet.  Phil Mickelson ended up with a 17 over par and got a two stroke penalty for hitting his ball back toward the hole as it was rolling off the green. 

Sunday started well, with my knee exercises and a quick chat with Rob.  It is Father’s day and I congratulated him for how well he has handle Raechel and Noah.  I chatted some with my sister and did work on my blog.  My right ear is still a problem and this is day 7 of being off Cyclosporin so I am not sure if my ear problem is going to be permanent.  That is not good. 

First Half of my Visit to Roberta

Tuesday I did my knee exercises then packed up the truck and started my drive to Cary.  It was pretty easy until I got to 40 and then the traffic was quite heavy.  I really had to concentrate but I eventually got to Chapel Hill around 1:30.  I parked at the visitor’s center and walked all around the area down to Wilson Library.  The trees were simply marvelous and I enjoyed them immensely.   I had a late lunch at a cheap Chinese place and it was tolerable.  Then I napped and headed to Cary around 6:15 and only ran into a bit of traffic near the Cary exit.  I stopped in a mall that had a Bass Pro Shops store and looked at the fishing boats.  It would be fun to run one of them but those days are over for me.  Then I had a salad at a Tropical Smoothie Café and then headed to the train station which had ample parking and I napped again.  The train was a half hour late but by 10 I was in my sleeper.

Wednesday started with a cold room on the train and sleeping was hard but eventually I caught a little sleep as I turned off more of the vents.  I took several naps during the mid-morning and later and the train was an hour and a half late so I got into West Palm at around 6.  Roberta was waiting and we got back in time to play 8 holes of golf.  The clubs Roberta got me were pretty bad, with no sand wedge or lob wedge but I was able to use the 7 iron pretty well and on a short course that worked out okay.  I was really reduced to a 7,9, pitching and putter so some shots were very challenging.   The evening went well and we chatted pretty late and then I watched some TV until 12.

Thursday went fine, knee exercises in the morning, kayaking off Jupiter Island and playing with 3 cute kids, letting them use our kayaks to jump off of and paddle around, having a nice chat with the oldest girl, Abby, who was very smart and ambitious and eventually gave me a shell as a present.  Then it was off to a nearby restaurant where I had an okay crab cake with a nice salad and a lobster roll loaded with southern lobster meat.  Again, some good chatting and then bed time at 12.

Friday was also pretty good.  We played golf early, then had lunch and I went over to holes 13 and 14 and fished.  I got several bites but the fish were very small so I didn’t catch any but I enjoyed myself.  Later the weather got pretty bad so we didn’t kayak but instead went to Hobe Sound Beach and had a pleasant walk along the shore.  Back at Roberta’s townhouse, I tried the elliptical and it worked fine.  It got my breathing up and that was the key.   We had a very good chat about our situations (mine being not very good, with all the drugs I’m taking and my hearing problem in my right ear, and the physical decay that has made it much harder to do things and my lack of energy.  Roberta is doing very well considering she is 70, and I wish her well. 

Craig Creek Very Low

Saturday started with a little anxiety, but I did my knee exercises and started a laundry and organized all the things I have to do so I calmed down.  Writing this blog has helped also.  I do have a lot to do today but I am hoping it will end in nine holes of golf.   I went for my bike ride and that took away any remaining anxiety and opened up my lungs some.  I then drove over to Cellular Sales and one of the representatives showed me how to work the phone better and solved the e-mail problem.  I then decided to go play golf even though the weather didn’t look too good, but the weather held and at the first tee, Rick, a Canadian, offered to let me play with him and I did, and it was a lot of fun playing and chatting about Canada.  I then drove out to Craig Creek and found the Creek very low, almost unfishable except for a few deeper spots.  I drove out to my spot 14 and ½ miles, and the river as way down even there.  I don’t think Craig will work so I may try Sinking Creek tomorrow.  I am trying to find a spot much closer to Prices Fork so I won’t waste as much gas and cut down on driving. I returned home and finished my piano and singing and then watched TV until time for bed. 

Trail's End

The rest of Friday worked out pretty well.  I did my shoulder exercises and then went over to VT to ride my bike for 40 minutes.  I did my piano and singing and did some straightening out around the apartment.  By keeping busy I very much reduced my level of anxiety.  After a decent nap, I drove out to Trail’s End.  I stopped at the bridge in White Gate and caught one small redeye so I drove to Mechanicsburg and caught 5 with one good redeye.  Unfortunately the drive was full of traffic and I ran into a fellow with several kids in his car who wanted to know the owner, which I did not know.  I think he may cause me trouble with access.  What I think would work best is to find a place on Craig Creek or Sinking Creek where I could fish on private property and maybe pay some money for the right to fish.  I returned home and watched a little of the Cavs / Warriors until Golden State took control.  

A Quick Hospital Visit

Friday is going to be a catchup entry.  I had a very mixed week with Tuesday being one of my best kayak trips ever.  Kate and I got off at around 2:30 and it was simply perfect.  The water was up so we easily went under the two train bridges and Kate even went further.  Then we went around the island and it seemed so lovely.  I missed the biggest hole but Kate got it and then it was over, perhaps the last time we will paddle the New together.  I do still hope to paddle with her out in Norfolk but who knows what my health will allow.  Tuesday was a very odd day.  I awoke anxious and my breathing was pretty bad.  I did my knee exercises then took a half of a valium and two puffs of my asthma spray.  It didn’t seem to help so I took another two puffs and another half of valium and that didn’t seem to help so I tried the nebulizer and that didn’t help.  I was very anxious and very tight in the chest so I called Rob’s office and headed over.  When I got there my breathing was very tight and Rob said I had to go to the hospital and he wheeled me over in a wheelchair.  When we got there, I was very quickly put in a bed in the emergency room and a number of doctors and nurses looked me over.  They put in an IV and took blood and then gave me fluids and then an X-ray and moved me up to 203.  I was starting to feel better and I was thinking that maybe my early morning dose of Cyclosporin had caused the breathing and anxiety problems.  Anyway, I went to bed around 12 and was interrupted a couple of times for vitals and blood and then in the morning, I was seen by a few doctors and no one could tell me why I had the problems.  After kidney and vascular ultrasounds, I begged to be allowed to leave and I was told that would be okay.  I spoke to Dr. Ghosheh and I told him I wanted to see him instead of Trivedi and he approved that and told me he was going to try to set up and appointment for me with a leading nephrologist in late July.  I told him Rob wanted me to see a rheumatologist and he said that would be fine but the most important one would be the nephrologist.  Then I was released and I went to play golf, where I shot a 43 and played remarkably well.  I missed several pretty short putts or I could have shot a 40.  I drove out to Caldwell Fields and then home to do 20 minutes of biking and some of my shoulder exercises and watch the Caps win the Stanley Cup for the first time.   

The new drug has some bad side effects

Sunday was not a very good day.  I woke at 6:30 somewhat anxious, did my knee exercises but couldn’t get back to sleep after them, played piano and took a half a valium and finally fell asleep briefly.  I went to mass, sang some and said hello to Father after mass then headed home to rest some and then to go bike riding at tech and to play golf where I was a real jerk to a fellow named Bryan who was patient with me and we ended up playing together and planned to play together soon.  I want to give him a signed copy of my Neversink book.  I was really down in the morning because I don’t think the Cyclosporin is going to work out.  I think it is why I am having trouble hearing in my right ear and why I am feeling anxious again.  It may also be affecting my breathing some as I feel a little tightness in my chest.  I was really upset and tomorrow when I go see Rob I want to see if there is something else I can take.  I don’t want to live this way.   

Golf, Biking, Fishing and Walking

Wednesday morning I had a nice chat with Kelly, somewhat about Lucia and Grit, somewhat about how hard it is to take care of a house.  Now living in a small apartment, I certainly am relieved that I don’t have to maintain the hollow.  Even keeping the apartment tidy can seem a bit much, but Kelly’s house is very large and it must require a lot of attention.  I am planning to go visit her, probably after my trip to Roberta’s, assuming my health remains reasonable.  I would enjoy seeing Lucia and Alfredo and I think I can handle the drive even if I have to take two days each way.  

Thursday morning had its strangeness.  I awoke from a weird dream of deep insecurity, but after I started my knee exercises and figured out that my finances should be okay well past 80, I relaxed and got to work, straightening up a bit and washing the dishes.  I spent some time on my Craig Creek poem, which is getting better and better, and I returned to my blog.  I did more work around the house and lay down a few times but didn’t really nap.  Then it was time to get ready to go to Toyota for service on my truck.  The servicing was pretty quick and I also go new brake pads so I am ready for another 10,000 miles.  I then went out to fish at the bridge in White Gate and caught two nice redeye bass.  Returning through Radford, I rode my bike for 40 miniutes then put in Autumn Bishop’s grade and brought the washed pillow cases, sheet and blanket up to the office, where I had already brought up the cot I purchased.  Now I should be ready for the fall, when I won’t have to struggle up from the floor when I take a nap.  I drove home and watched a very exciting Warriors / Cavs game, and did my weights and some of my shoulder exercises.  Cathy had to have surgery yesterday for one of the fragments that remained from the breakup of her kidney stone.  I heard her screaming and it was awful.  I think she is okay and I hope to see her soon.

 Friday started out okay, with my knee exercises and some reading, and then a long call to my sister Judy who is doing pretty well with her tunnel and bridge phobia.  I discussed whether stopping all my drugs, if I got to a point where life wasn’t worth living,  would be okay with the church and she thought it was definitely okay but advised me to talk to Father John, which I intend to do.  It was a good phone call.  I have to do my piano playing and then I have to see Rob at 2:30 and then hopefully golf and biking.